Friday, July 25, 2008

I've put my heart back in my chest....and the pity party if officially over!


*WARNING: This is not my usual happy-go-lucky post, but as true and raw as I can be right now. This post is about my sweet little boy Brady and the latest with him.* I promise to be happy-go-lucky as soon as possible*


I was hesitant about posting about this at first because of how vulnerable it would make me, but this blog was started for myself and my family. One day Brady will read this and I want him to know exactly how much his mommy and daddy are rooting and fighting for him.


For the last 3 days, I've been in a fog. We had Brady's PT evaluation on Wednesday and the news didn't seem all that great, but at the same time I knew in my heart of hearts that it wasn't going to be-he has hypertonia in his legs. What does this mean? It means that even at resting his muscles are contracted and stretched which makes it hard for him to walk (or which is why he is not walking). The PT informed me, even though I already knew, that he would not be walking anytime soon. In fact, this could be a very difficult road for Brady. When she left, I had a good, long cry in the bathroom and felt very, very sad for Brady. Images of Brady riding a bike, playing soccer, running with his brothers flashed in my head. As a parent we have visions for our children...we don't have visions of them with a disability. And although we don't know for sure if this is a "disability", it is what it is, he has a gross motor delay. So I spent the next several days questioning God, "Why Brady?", "Why me?", "How can another BAD thing be happening to us again?"


And today after a good cry in the shower, it hit me-the lights came on. God doesn't give this Steel Magnolia anything she can't handle. I guess He thinks I can handle more than the average person....losing my sister, dealing with infertility and now...? My job is to be Brady's mother, his cheerleader, his best advocate-it's not to be SAD for him and to PITY him. He doesn't need that-he needs someone who believes he can do anything and I know that he can and will walk one day. Besides, I have two other beautiful children that need me as well. We have an amazing and wonderful life and I it will continue to be just that.


Maybe I became a special education teacher for this exact moment. I know the right questions to ask and the right providers to talk to-just as I "knew" I would encounter infertility, I dealt with it, followed the advice of doctors and became my own best advocate and because of that I have these 3 wonderful boys in my life.


I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, my son, or the rest of my family. We are going to be OK, Brady is going to be fine because he has a family that believes in him and knows that he will do anything that he sets his mind to. He doesn't need a mother that is going to be sad for him, wishing he was this way or that way. He has a mother that is going to root and cheer for him like any mother would do for their child. He is still the same Brady he was yesterday, happy as a clam and very smart too. If I could only give you a recording of that sweet little voice of his. His and Jack's language is exploding everyday-new words here and there and it always makes me smile to hear them.


There may be those who don't think I should have posted all of this, but I'm doing so because there may be someone out there just like me, having their own pity party, and may need that extra boost of assurance that their child is going to be fine. My job is to be Brady, Jack, and Harrison's SUPER MOM and that, my friends, is what I am.

20 comments:

Fishy Busyness said...

How priveleged you must feel that God chose YOU, out of all the mommies out there, to be the mother of your Brady. Go get 'em, Supermom!

Deep in the Heart said...

I absolutely believe you were a special educator to be prepared for this. I have a SLP grad friend with twin boys with autism and although she never practiced speech therapy professionally, thos years of school helped her get ready for the boys.

I know it won't be an easy road, but I know you'll be one of those parents therapists love. You'll work hard for and with Brady and you'll see the results.

My prayers are with your beautiful, blessed family.

kk said...

Steel Magnolia--you are an inspiration to us all. I admire your truth and advocacy...Brady and his brothers are very lucky boys to have you as a mom!

Slacker Mama said...

You are certainly supermom and I have no doubt that you will continue to be so as you all move forward.

As you know, I'm not really the praying type, but you all are in my thoughts. Please let me know if there is anything we can do.

Belle said...

You are absolutely correct...God will not give you more than you can handle even though sometimes we feel overwhelmed and wonder why things happen the way they do. Brady is one lucky boy to be a part of such a strong, loving and supportive family.

marathon mom said...

You definitely are a super mom! Always have been! You have three boy that are as lucky to have you and Dan for parents as you are to have them- could not have been a better match! You are right- with your amazing family, Brady will be more than fine!

The Mrs. said...

Your post made me well up. I wish I didn't understand your post, but I do. I have had the pity party, now and again, and then come out fighting and staying positive. The bottom line is you are Brady's perfect mother and advocate. Him being a victim would never help him. Your going to have to be tough and then go cry in the closet. I remember Ray Charles mom being so tough with him. When he lost his sight she did not pity him. Look what he went on to do! We are sisters. Sisters in infertility, in our dealing with conditions for our sons we wouldn't wish on anyone, and blog sisters. Wish I could hug you and pour you a glass of wine. I'm here for you.

Somewhere Between Pinot and Pacifiers said...

You are already supermom!!!! And what a fabulous attitude that you have about it all. Your boys are so lucky to have you. There are so many parents who would take the "why me" route and drown in self-pity, which is so easy to do. I have been there and had to pull myself out of it. But you are already heading in the right direction!

I always have liked that little quote..."If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it."

Keep us updated!

Sweet Pea Chef said...

SM, you already have such a great perspective on all of this, I can tell God is holding you, comforting you, strengthening you and your family.

"Why?" is such a normal question (and one I have asked myself on many, many occasions)...I certainly don't have the answers, but I do know that God is able, and he will provide just what you, Brady and the whole SM clan need every day.

I love this scripture from Romans 5--it says "suffering builds perserverance, perserverance builds character, and character builds hope. And hope does not fail!" (I am paraphrasing)

I admire you in so many ways and know that you will tackle this with your usual grace, strength and determination.

Consider prayers said and to be said...

Brownie said...

I have been through similar, and would love to "pump you up" if you'd like! There IS a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise! My son couldn't even throw a ball overhand last October and after OT and some other gross and fine motor therapies he can hit a target with 100% accuracy. If you want, ask Marathon Mom for my email or contact info.

clemsongirlandthecoach said...

I'd like to think that God gave YOU to Brady. You're the perfect mom to do all the right things by that sweet boy.

I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must feel. It may seem like a hard road, but I know you can marathon it. I know you can.

Thinking of you.

Jennifer said...

What a great testimony of love to Brady! I often think the same thing........God won't give us something he doesn't think we can handle. It's a blessing that he gave you Brady.

JerseyBaby said...

Brady was destined to be yours, and you were destined to be Brady's. I so admire your response to this "path" your life and your family's is taking.

Thinking of you...

Her Shabbyness: Sweet 'n Southern said...

I admire you so much for posting about that. I know that you and your family can and WILL make it through this and your little boy will look back on these days and smile. You are such a strong woman, and that's exactly what your little boy needs.... As you said, God doesn't give you what you cannot handle :)

Stephanie said...

At your request, I will not feel sorry FOR you but I AM still sorry nonetheless. But you said all the right things, your head is in the right place and your heart certainly is. Like you said, just as Brady needs you to believe he can do anything, your blog sisters will believe you can do anything. You seem like such a wonderful mom & person and it surely sounds like you're going to encourage him to be the best he can be, no matter what. I will send prayers your way. I hope it is therapeutic for you to share this with people, even those of us who don't know you. For us, I think I can speak for everyone that you are an inspiration. So, we all benefit from your honest posts!

Surf Girl said...

You are such an inspiration and you ARE a supermom! God had a plan and gave you and Brady to each other. What a great family!!

Serah said...

Having my very own Brady, this post brought tears to my eyes. God knew exactly what He was doing when He put you two together. And remember that whatever is around the corner, God is already there.

Thank you so much for your honesty! We'll be praying for ya'll!

Stephanie said...

Wow, I wrote a long comment yesterday and it's not here but I don't see that it was deleted so maybe I made a boo boo. I just wanted to say I am sorry that you have to go through all of this but I won't be sorry for you, per your request. You sound like an amazing mom and someone will encourage your boy to be the best he can be, no matter what.

Manic Mom said...

You are a super Mom to your kids, but sometimes even super Mom needs a time out so to say for herself. This is so she can get charged up for the next challenge. I know what it's like to have challenges, & I can safely say that God will not give you more then you can handel. You have been chosen for a reason. I'm so glad I stopped be here today, I will keep your family in my thoughts & prayers.

Betsey said...

I can tell just from reading your blog what a wonderful Mom you are. Your husband and boys are very lucky to have you.